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Weird Ass Personals Ads

 I've been thinking about personals ads at for a while - partly because I'm single and seeking. Part of me started to think about how weird you could get with some fandoms and the way you could make things extremely esoteric and odd - almost to the point where you were talking at a level which most people didn't get. I'm posting 20 of the odd ad ideas I came up with - a couple of which are actually genuine. 

  1. Eater of Souls seeks Agent Candid for assignations in the stacks, adventures against the dwellers at the bottom of the Mandelbrot Set, trips to Dunwich, and <REDACTED>, <REDACTED>, <REDACTED>; and CASE NIGHTMARE GREEN. (Laundry Files)

  2. Moth Kinden seeks flame to flutter around, cast magic with, and generally fail to understand technology with. (Shadows of the Apt)

  3. Bear Tribe member seeks similar to love and share a cave with. (Seasons of the Fall)

  4. Tiefling Bard seeks a fellow adventurer to raid dragon’s hoard with. (Dungeons and Dragons) 

  5. Tiefling Bard seeks dragon willing to have her hoard raided. (Dungeons and Dragons)

  6. Graveyard lover seeks similar for long walks among beautiful graves and statues, sincere conversations about life, death, and other light subjects, cemetery picnics, and more.

  7. Bibliophile seeks owner of the Necronomicon to explore things man was not meant to know, laugh at the marginalia, and go mad with. (Cthulhu Mythos)

  8. Wannabe poet seeks muse, clothing optional, good sense of humour a must.

  9. Dreamer seeks Dreamer. Meet me at the Dream King’s castle for raids on Lucien’s library, trips to the skerries, dodging the Corinthian, and long lazy afternoons at Fiddler’s Green. (Sandman)

  10. Masochist seeks sadist for a cracking good time. 

  11. Seeker seeks fellow traveller to grow and heal with, with lots of hand holding, long walks and heartfelt conversations. 

  12. Cat seeks careful owner/servant for fusses, love, and if you’re lucky, tummy strokes.  

  13. Costumed vigilante seeks supervillain to foil on a regular basis. 

  14.  Dragon seeks mate for soaring flights over majestic mountain ranges, virgin devouring, and to build a hoard with. Own lair and breath weapon are a must. No wyverns, pseudo dragons, or sea serpents, please.  

  15. Bibliophile seeks another book lover to build a blanket fort and spend lots of nights reading, and dreaming, together. 

  16. Acolyte seeks a Goddess to worship. Throne and temple provided.

  17. God, currently hiding from themself, seeks God, also currently hiding from themself, for mutual denial of divinity, fun and games, making plans for a future that doesn’t exist, and to drink hot chocolate with over damn fine books. (Reference to Alan Watts’ philosophy).

  18. Person who doesn’t exist seeks another person who doesn’t exist to not exist together.

  19. Leo seeks compatible person to comb mane.

  20. Laundry Agent looking for love with appropriately security cleared woman.  #capitallaundryservicesdating

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