Men I Admire

 I wrote a short list of men I admire on a social media site I frequent the other day, and got pulled up on my lack of Stephen Fry (who to be fair, I do admire, but ran out of space for), and subsequently decided to write more on this topic… 

The basic criteria is that the list is drawn from people in the public eye and that they are alive. There are plenty of dead men who I admire for their contributions to history, but whom I would likely not approve of if they were alive today (Sir Isaac Newton seems like he had a good streak in him, based on his invention of the cat flap, at least. I am uncertain about his actual character, though). I admire Lord Byron's poetry but, keeping a bear in his rooms and dying in the service of Greek independence aside, don't really approve of how he lived.

I’m attempting to base this not so much on achievement, so much, but on character, and on attributes I admire. This isn’t to say that I don’t think women can be as kind, tenacious, charming, witty, and so on, but I am making a choice to pull out men I admire here as a way to bolster my general attitude and perception of the biological sex/gender I share. The sad fact is that often I feel that men are, as a group, brutish, often wilfully ignorant, and unpleasant. While I’m conscious that this sort of news is “the story” our society is telling us - part of the Zeitgeist if you like - my own experiences growing up were certainly centred on the idea that men had to be tough, strong, unemotional, and so on. This was reinforced by savage psychological abuse by my father, who appeared to enjoy himself greatly while he was bullying and abusing me, and by my peers at school (likewise).

Even before I was questioning my gender, I was a ghost, one who moved as silently as possible for fear of attracting attention. All I really knew, by the time I was 18, was that I didn’t want to be like other men… Other men in my head being unpleasant bullies who were selfish, expected to be waited on hand and foot, were violent, and seldom cared about anyone but themselves. I had seen my Mum running around after my Dad for most of my life and I didn’t want to be like him (spit). 

Today “man” seems to be as much an ideological construct as it is a physical sex. It’s one that starts early on, arguably before we’re even born. An unborn boy kicking in his mother’s womb is bound to get allocated as a future footballer… when in fact he might be a keen ballet dancer, if we can open our minds that far. Of course, we’re all born into this trip, regardless of our sex - we are told what we are for most of  our lives.

Anyway, on with the list:

Neil Gaiman: I admire his patience and care as well as his commitment to the arts, writing, and free speech. His "make good art" speech is amazing.

Alan Davies: I didn’t used to like him so much, but learning about his past (via the Grauniad) has made me appreciate who he is and what he’s been through.

Alan Moore: I don’t really like a lot of his work (I think he relies too much on rape as a way to shock and his work is often not as revolutionary as he though, and Lost Girls was just crap). I do admire his
authenticity though, and the way he’s always so true to himself. His tenacity and drive are truly wonders to behold, too.

Paul Cornell: I admire the way he cares for his highly autistic son. It's truly touching to see.

Charles Stross: I admire his humanism, which comes out in his work so much. 

I would also add Bryan Talbot for similar reasons. I love how his values shine through in his work (and would recommend the Grandville books if you want that, coupled with anthropomorphic animals, steampunk, and Tarantinoesque ultra violence (which is at least in a good cause).

Paul Merton: My admiration is largely based on his talent, but also on his sense of fair play (which I can see in how he acts on Just a Minute). I have also always respected his friendships with Nicholas Parsons and now Sue Perkins as they are full of respect and good humour.

George Monbiot: I admire his insight and bravery, as he’s been arguing for environmental issues to be taken seriously for about 40 years now, as far as I can tell. 

I realised I didn’t know anything about Charlie Dance beyond the fact he’s very good at playing villains and so, if I were to substitute him for another actor, it’d be Keanu Reeves for the fact that he’s very introverted but very successful, and his philanthropy. 

And that’s that. There are other men who I think are good at their jobs, but don’t know enough about to be able to comment on, or who seem like good people. I just don’t think they deserve my admiration… I think that has to be based on more than those things.