Friday, 15 April 2016

30 Days of Blog: This is Not a Love Song

Day Blah and I ain't dead.

I'm also a liar because today is totally about love songs, and specifically the ones I love.

I'm not hugely fond of love songs, they're often too bright and breezy for me, not because I'm a miserable sod but because for a long time I was convinced I was unlovable, and that nobody would ever want to be in a relationship with me. I was, and still am to an extent, a wallflower and my childhood often seemed to be composed of ways that I simply didn't fit and wasn't right. Love was the subject of fantasies, of reaching out to a 'shadow woman' who might find me interesting. The first time I remember someone telling me they fancied me was... well a twelve year old (hardly the most auspicious start), though I have vague memories of an older girl thinking I was cute when I was about seven.

When Eve told me she fancied me at Edge Hill, it was something of a surprise. Even more so that she wanted to be my girlfriend. Love wasn't something I was expecting and I'm still surprised if someone makes it known they like me that way: it still isn't really on my radar.

These songs sort of reflect that feeling, or the way I'd like things to be.

New Model Army: Love Songs

One of those wistful songs that's sort of a love song and sort of isn't, Love Songs reflects the wistful feeling I had throughout my teen years, even though I didn't hear it until I was at university. The chorus 'they always play love songs when you're far away', certainly sums up the feeling of questing for love without really knowing where to look, that sense of reaching out into the dark.

The Mission: Hurricane

I think this is the most traditional of the love songs I've chosen in the sense that it's about falling in love. I love the imagery it uses, the sense of getting blown away, the violence of the first steps of love feels more akin to how I feel than everything being sugar and spice.

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds: Lime Tree Arbour

This song got played at my wedding, after we'd said our vows. I like it for its focus on patience and the quiet sense of persistence it has. It feels very like the relationship that Eve and I have grown into, in a lot of ways.

One of the things I like about Nick Cave's love songs is that they're seldom about romance, and often quite funny in a bleak way. While this doesn't reflect that it does have the unique feeling that a Bad Seeds song about love carries, that we're past the first blush and into the steady part of things.

Genitorturers: Falling Stars

A song that's really more about lust than love, but which makes me want to dance. I love this song because it's so sexy.

Annie Lennox: Love Song for a Vampire

Returning to longing, to reaching out into the dark, this song sums up so much about my rather schizophrenic approach to love.

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