Shores of Night

Recently I've embraced the idea of going slowly. I suppose its partly a reaction to a world that seems to move ever faster, almost to the point that nothing matters except the speed that things get done. There's probably an element of getting older in it too - it feels as if fast all too often equals corners being cut or the thing concerned not really being worth it if there's not waiting involved.  One area in particular that I want to go slowly is in dating. Part of that's because I'm conscious I have to get divorced, but also that I have attachment issues. I tend to fall in love, or perhaps just become infatuated, very easily and that works against my better judgement. As a consequence, I'm telling myself that I have to go slow and just start with meeting with someone to have cups of tea and go book shopping with. Maybe with a side thing of going for walks and wandering through graveyards (because they're beautiful). I want to be someone's friend who ...

 Am I just too much... am I enough?  I have to tell myself I'm not and that I am, respectively, but I really don't know. I worry I share too much with people, that my sense of humour is too much - that I am too silly. At the same time I worry that I let people down a lot, even though I know it's not true. My inner critic - Negative Norma - tends to go into overdrive with these things and I just end up worrying about if I'm imposing on people... or alternatively that I'm too reticent and hang back too much. There's no real happy medium, unfortunately, and I always seem to be overly familiar and over sharing or aloof and not sharing enough.  I hope I can find a way around this, eventually.  

 So it goes, the annual 12 days of Misrule, Death, Remembrance, and Defiance in the UK have come to an end. We have 4 holidays in close succession to each other, starting with Halloween (or All Souls' Day... or if you're one of my fellow travellers, Samhain), followed by All Saints' Day - which is usually overlooked - then Guy Fawkes' Night and finally, Remembrance Day. The season, for it would be foolish to deny that that's what it is, is united by an idea of defiance either against the encroaching winter or mortal authority, and by a clashing solemnity as we grow closer to today. It travels from the supernatural to the mundane, from monsters to the sacrifice of the flower of youth in a war so horrible that we don't dare forget it.  That element of misrule is a point of much contention - the Church of England never fails to warn about demons and the dangers of the occult, while in many ways the Guy - the figure burned on bonfires on November 5th - is a way of c...

 I'm cat-less at the moment and really miss having a wee beastie around (I can't get one as I live in a small flat and it's against my contract - I have asked and been told no).  As a consequence I'm watching a lot more cat videos on YouTube (as well as enjoying the chances I get to say hello to my therapist's cat).  This means I've discovered a lot more lovely cat channels and I'm going to post one here... Aren't these puss cats so cute? 

 A while ago a friend of mine recommended this track and it is amazing! I found it really good for just getting a new perspective on how I live life (I have a tendency to drift along because I must admit I have co-dependent tendencies). I hope you enjoy!

 Like many people in the UK, I was raised a Christian, but unlike many people - for whom it seems the faith sort of ebbs to a low level of 'acceptable bullshit' to be considered only at Christmas and Easter, or for weddings, funerals, and baptism, I confess I have a strong dislike for it. Part of that was that I came to reject monotheism as a result of my upbringing - having a single deity that's responsible for everything seems ridiculous to me, especially when you look at the number of Saints - the Christian God isn't ruling alone, he just has a large bureaucracy. He's basically the CEO who claims all the credit for his subordinates' work. In addition, owing to other elements in my childhood, I came to reject male authority, and I still struggle with it at times. The idea that the central, and according to my parents the only real, authority, was male coded did little to endear the faith to me. I should stress that I was raised in a broad church Church of Engl...

 Hi,  The last few days have made me think about my life and where it's going. It's made me wonder about where I want to be and how I want to live. Sadly my number one choice, vanish off into Faerie, isn't available, and the world feels cold and oppressive at the moment. Caught between the vagaries of climate change, the cost-of-living crisis, the new government in the UK who seem intent on driving everyone back to the Victorian period at the very least, and the continuing war in Ukraine, things look bleak. On a personal level, I've started to realise that much as I like Bournemouth, I'm lonely and I can't afford anything more than a studio (and sadly I'm not managing to save any money). So, I think a rethink may be on the cards. For the moment, I'm willing to stand in place, get more experience, and try to get the tools to cross to a better paid profession. I'm just conscious of the mental health effect of being lonely, and while I view it as a posi...